A Quandary

Mondays aren't so bad when you are unemployed! Although I did already mess up the one thing I had on my agenda to do today. I was supposed to go in and get my blood test after fasting. Too bad I just breakfasted! I spent half an hour after I woke up farting about throwing things to take to Sydney on my bed and feeling Oh So Organised, got distracted by a phone call afterwhich I headed straight for the kitchen and a bowl of Weetbix (is that like "sheep" where the plural is the same form as the singular? Should it be bowl of Weetbi?). I then came back into my bedroom thought "So what's on the agenda for this morning, why am I up so early??" Oh yeah. I guess that will just have to wait until I get back in 2 weeks time.

Some of you may recall that I spent a bit of time in Japan complaining about being bored at work. Well now I am about to complain about being bored at home! Looking back over events in my life, it is clear that I am simply a much happier, more content person when I am flat chat with things to do and places to be coming out of my ears. So I am trying to get back to that place as soon as possible. If you can believe it I am actually a tad impatient at having 2 weeks out of here in Sydney because it is throwing a spanner in my Find Job and Place To Live plans. Then there is also the slight disruption to progression caused by my indecision over what to do next. I could look for full time work, and just yesterday I found a job that I would actually really love to get which is adding extra stress to the composition of resumes and cover letters. Or I could go back to uni in second semester and do a Graduate Diploma in Applied Linguistics which would expand my job horizons since it would qualify me to teach English at tertiary level, and perhaps Japanese too. But that would mean returning to my previous miserly student lifestyle where it would be impossible to save any more money for travel after I finish next year. Actually that is the one thing I can say I definitely want to do; travel. I've been looking up places and ways to do volunteer work overseas. It's hardly a display of altruism though; it's all part of a grand plan to learn Spanish and that kind of stuff never looks bad on your resume.

So plenty of options but as yet no "sign". I'm not waiting for the clothes line to be hit by lightning (that's the traditional sign isn't it?), just for the vibe to be right again. I never make big decisions against my gut feeling, but at the moment I don't have a gut feeling. There's no vibe.

Last night I had a very enlightening conversation with someone I haven't spoken to in a very long time. She said a few things that were pertinent to my life both in the way she intended and also in other ways. I took a few things away from it; Don't be bottling things up, better to just share because the response you get can surprise and teach you - plus it saves you worrying about something that doesn't need worrying about anyway! Don't be ashamed of your actions if they are right for you, if others don't understand perhaps they are not people you want in your life. I reckon it's much easier to conceal your feelings than to share them, but the most good comes of sharing them. I'm going to try and be more brave in that respect.